Yesterday was a tough day. I woke up and needed some positive reinforcement that I was loved and that my worldly plans to possibly move to Italy were justified. Unfortunately, my efforts to will S to say these things to me were unsuccessful. On Facebook chat I tried to get him to say that he misses me the most, but he kept insisting that he missed someone more than me. I wrongly took this as a sign that he didn’t care about me. After numerous times of him saying that there is someone else and how can I not understand, I got it -- he misses his father. On top of everything else that has happened in his life (to be discussed later), his father passed away from cancer a year ago. I felt like I had been so selfish to have been bringing my insecurities into the conversation.
Despite this, I had one of the mini breakdowns that I am so famous for. Historically (that means up until this year), I have been a planner. I have planned my life -- education, career, boyfriend, husband, babies -- in that order. While not that original, I prescribed to that plan and took only calculated risks, if any risks at all. My new found sense of uncertainty, while exciting at times, can also reap havoc on my sense of self. So, I had a meltdown. I cried. More than anything I think my tears were tears of fear. I have never not known what I am going to do with my life and I have just felt so lost lately. After having a pity party for myself, my best friend called and convinced me to go for a walk. Her best advice was to not consider this a move forever, but rather a move for one year. That way it isn’t so absolute, final and anxiety ridden. That, along with some soothing words on the age old fear of getting older put my nerves at ease. It was a beautiful day -- sunny and hot with crystal water that sparkled. I felt calm and at ease.
On my walk home I went to look at the time on my phone. But, there was no phone. I made may way to my office where I would be able to call it, and the nicest lady answered. Her and her husband would be at the Boathouse in English Bay for a drink and I could join them to retrieve it. Well, I made two new friends that night.
They asked me to stay for a drink and we started discussing the most private and confidential of matters -- at least for someone you have just met. Turns out they were married at 19, raised their 5 kids in Calgary, moved them to Saudi Arabia for ten years and then after the kids went to Universities around the world, they moved to Mexico. When in a previous blog post I mentioned that I am trying to find influencers in my life, I think these two kindred spirits were sent to me just for this reason. They expressed such enthusiasm and support for my idea to move overseas. We discussed concepts of love, marriage and career and identified what is important in life. I admire them so greatly and on top of everything else, they are so young for their age. I think that the variety and spice in their lives have kept them this way. They also prove that adventure and children can go hand in hand. Who knew that losing a phone and having a conversation over two mojitos would possibly change my life. I must continue to amass these influencers. They will help me extract those traits buried inside that will become my future. I can’t wait!
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